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Norma Zager


Award winning journalist, Norma Zager, lives in Los Angeles where she teaches journalism, shops and creates new galaxies for Lila to explore as a means of finding a quiet universe in which to write. When she isn’t writing, she is adoring her new grandson, creating new chocolate recipes and seeking her own Buster in a world populated with many far from perfect imitations.

Email : write46@aol.com

Website : http://www.normazager.com

Lila Luminosity and the Lipstick Murders

Written By: Norma Zager
Published By: Devine Destinies
Heat Level:

Kick off your Monolos, open a bag of Hershey kisses, and join Lila Luminosity and her gang of galactic crazies as...

Lila had never seen Buster in such a foul mood. She wondered what could have transpired to create this funk, but she was having a difficult time finding the courage to ask.

"I know you're wondering why I'm in such a mood. Thanks for not asking," Buster said softly.

"I'm impressed."

"With what?"

"With you. That's so evolved to notice my mood and communicate yours."

"Thanks for the compliment, I think," Buster said.

"You're welcome and, yes, it is a compliment," Lila whispered.

"I guess since I'm acting so evolved, I should tell you the rest."

"If you want to."

"I want to. This case is making me crazy. There are weird things going on like I've never seen before. I can't seem to make sense of anything. It's like floating through some crazy world where I can't speak the language."

"That's a good thing. Would you really want to understand all this insanity?"

"I'm a policeman. It's my job to understand insanity."

"Okay, let's be clear. I have no desire to be with someone who relates to the whole hot-dog-up-the-ass thing."

"Okay, okay, you're right. But I should know enough about the criminal mind to figure out what's going on here. Even if I don't understand or totally get it."

"But you do understand what's going on here. Some nuts with a vendetta are running around the galaxy shoving food up their victim's butt. Either they are pissed because they once got a bad meal, or the service sucked. Sometimes a five percent tip just isn't statement enough."

Buster laughed. "I hope murder isn't your remedy for bad service in a restaurant. Otherwise, we'll have to start ordering take out."

"Actually, it had never entered my mind, but there is a certain symmetry to the process. You have to admit, there have been times a small tip didn't fit the crime."

Buster laughed. "Maybe you're right. That waitress at The Blue Coffee shop on the moon was the rudest I've ever seen. Maybe a few hits of a Starbucks Latte Tall up her tush would send a message."

Hell of an enema, Lila thought. "But, Buster, there really is a method to this madness. The fact they were all in the restaurant business together, still haunts me. I keep thinking they didn't part as friends. Have you talked to Borgana again?"

"Yes, she was a silent partner. It was a small investment and she let her business manager handle everything. I can't help thinking there's something more here. A disgruntled customer wouldn't be enough to create such anger, this is a real vendetta. What makes people kill? Sex, love, money or relatives?"

"Relatives?"

"Sure family arguments heat up into murder all the time," Buster explained.

"Are any of the partners related?"

"Not as far as I've been able to discern. But that's a valid point. Maybe it's a family member once removed. I'll check it out."

Lila had a feeling, the one she got when she was onto something; her left boob started to tingle and itch. "My boob is tingling."

"I'm driving Lila, there's nothing I can do right now. Unless you want me to turn on autopilot and…"

Lila interrupted, "No, Buster, although hey, why not. No, my boob is tingling because I'm onto something. Whenever I have a hunch, my boob tingles and itches. And it's never wrong."

"You never told me this before."

 "I haven't had a hunch around you before."

"And your boob is always right?"

"Always, my boob is never wrong."

"Lila, do me a favor and never say that in public."

"What?"

"My boob is never wrong."

"Why not?"

"People will think you mean me." He switched on autopilot.

Kick off your Monolos, open a bag of Hershey kisses, and join Lila Luminosity and her gang of galactic crazies as she lives out every woman’s fantasy and proves a girl can never own enough pairs of shoes, eat enough cocoa bean products and run far enough away from her mother. Take a minute to bond with Lila and the ever-perfect Buster as they solve the lipstick murders and make the universe safe for chickens and Prada boots once more.
Price: $5.99
Lila Luminosity and the Planet Christmas Murder

Written By: Norma Zager
Published By: Devine Destinies
Heat Level:

Can Lila and Buster find the perfect holiday gifts? Will Stellar finally understand the real meaning of Christmas?...

Stellar tossed and turned in her bed, afraid to close her eyes. When she finally fell asleep, she was quickly interrupted by a familiar hologram floating above her bed. "Oh Lord, what are you doing here?"

"I'm the Christmas present dude."

"Okay first, you're not a dude, you're Lila's Mom. Second, why are you dressed like a chicken with a Santa hat on your head? Third, shouldn't you be in the kitchen cooking a chicken and not imitating one?"

"That's exactly what I said. However, this guy came to our house and said I have to go be a Christmas present chicken and I had no choice. So I put my dinner in the slow cooker, threw these feathers on over my apron and came right over."

"So, you're supposed to do, what may I ask?" Stellar asked hesitantly.

"Supposedly, I'm the guide here."

"Guiding me where?"

"To good stuff or something. From what I gathered, I'm supposed to show you what's happening right now and then you have to see someone else for the future. I don't know. It all sounds so familiar, yet so weird. I have no idea why he dragged me into this in the middle of preparing Vore's dinner. Plus Lila's father probably still hasn't taken the laundry out of the dryer, and by the time I get home, it will all be wrinkled. And I'll tell you, I'm not ironing it, he will have to put every piece in the ironing machine until they're perfect. That man--"

"Stop, I know all about the wrinkled laundry. Can we just get on with this please so I can go back to sleep. This whole thing is freaking me out here. What scares me most is you actually look pretty okay as a chicken."

"Fine, Ms. Impatient. Don't shoot the messenger here because this wasn't my idea. Remember that. I have better things to do with my time than schlep you through the universe on some intergalactic life lesson thing. By the way, do these feathers make me look fat? "

Stellar rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Now I see where Lila gets her craziness and, Ms. Chicken Lady, this century please."

"Fine, cool your hydrogen burners there, missy. We're going. Sheesh. Like I have nothing better to do--"

 "What's that?"

"What where," Lila's Mom responded.

"That there. Testy, what's he doing?"

"Just a minute I can't see over these damn feathers. Wait, he's shopping I think," she answered.

"Ask him what he's buying," Stellar said.

"No, he can't see or hear us. That's the deal remember? Don't you watch old holoflicks?"

"Oh shoot."

"What's the matter?"

"I hate blue grabnab fur. It clashes with my coloring and makes me look as pale as the moons of Sirious."

"He's just looking at it," Lila's Mom defended. "Maybe you can send some sort of psychic message or something."

"Yuk yuk yucky."

"That's the message?"

"Well you said to send a message," Stellar said.

"Yes, but be more creative. No wonder you and Lila are still single. What color do you like?"

"Pink."

"Okay, watch and learn. Pink fur, pink fur, ordering pink fur here."

"Uh huh? And that's any different than saying yuk?"

"You need to be more positive."

"I am positive. Positive that blue fur is yucky."

"This isn't going the way I planned," Lila's mom mused.

"So what's your plan? I just want to get this over with."

"You're supposed to look at some cosmic overview of your life and realize how you're not enjoying all the good things, yudda, yudda, yudda and stop acting like such a pain in the ass buzz kill and--"

"And what?"

"I don't remember any more. I'm not twenty, I forget shit."

 "But this crazy trip through the universe thing you needed to remember?"

"I'd leave now if I could, but we have one more stop."

"Then will you go back to cooking chickens instead of impersonating one please," Stellar pleaded.

"Deal."

Can Lila and Buster find the perfect holiday gifts? Will Stellar finally understand the real meaning of Christmas? Has Mavus gone off the deep end of the solar system and really murdered Santa? Will Lila’s Mom create the perfect chicken recipe for the holidays? All this and much more will be revealed in Lila Luminosity and the Planet Christmas Murder, a hilarious holiday romp through the galaxy with Lila and her quirky crew.
Price: $3.99